To resolve conflict, you need to understand the root cause. It's biological. We have two completely independent motivational systems. One system, traditionally called “motivation by love,” exists to motivate action toward values. A value in the psychological sense is...
When I tell people about my course, sometimes they don't quite know what I mean by "hard thinking." I don't mean thinking on specialized subjects like astrophysics. I mean thinking on any subject in which, at times, it's not clear how to proceed. Some extra effort is...
Tactic: The "AND" List The "AND List" Tactic Overview What: This is the basic tactic for addressing resistance and temptation in the moment. When: Use this tactic when you aren't instantly motivated to do what you "should" be doing. How: Write, "I am ambivalent" at...
Reading a "how to" book or taking a "how to" course doesn't magically transform a person's thinking abilities. Changing one's thinking methods can be as difficult as changing the established procedures of an entrenched bureaucracy. A person's old ways of thinking feel...
Exercise: Resolving External Conflicts Background Sometimes your goal is completely clear, and the steps to take are clear, but you can't find the time or other resources to pursue it. You are being pulled in multiple directions by conflicting goals, and not getting...
If you've been reading my newsletter for a long time, you know I advocate motivating yourself by values, not threats. In the simplest cases, this just requires introspecting your obvious emotions to identify the values landscape, meaning the values around you and the...
In a previous article, I argued that accepting reality gets you serenity. In this article, I will make a case that embracing causality gets you happiness. More exactly, my point is that consciously embracing the role of the causal agent of your own happiness is...
After my recent article on defensiveness, I coached a member of the Thinking Lab who was concerned that productiveness was a defense value for him. He realized that he had a compulsion to prioritize getting things done over every other value — relationships, health,...
"Less" sounds undesirable. Who wants to settle for less when you could have more? Well, in communication, less is often much better than more. For example, if you are offering a proposal to a prospective customer, it's much better to offer just the top three options...
Most people know that it's helpful to break down very complex, long-term projects into smaller steps. This is crucial for achieving your goals. But I'd like to explain an important difference between identifying the "next step" as opposed to identifying the "next...
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