Noticing and learning from negative feedback is crucial to self-improvement. Unfortunately, negative feedback can come in an unpleasant and even an unjust form. People who give unsolicited criticism are not always the most supportive of creatures. There are...
What does it mean to be "present" or "in the moment"? This concept comes up often in acting and communication classes, but it was never explained to my satisfaction. I could tell it was something good: those who were "present" seemed more authentic. They created an...
An important way you grow in the middle of challenges is to choose the person you want to be. This is not as easy as it might seem. I find it’s always helpful to put the vision into writing, spelling out what I want, in entirely positive terms. I recently did this for...
When I tell people about my course, sometimes they don't quite know what I mean by "hard thinking." I don't mean thinking on specialized subjects like astrophysics. I mean thinking on any subject in which, at times, it's not clear how to proceed. Some extra effort is...
If you've been following my work, you know that I'm interested in making conversations on controversial topics more constructive and less contentious. I think I'm making progress, but, yesterday I had a contentious conversation with someone who I am in basic agreement...
I have just finished reading a short book on sales explaining the "magic words" to use to persuade people to do what you want. I have had a conniption fit several times while reading it. The purpose of the book is to teach the reader to become a "professional...
In the past, I've run sessions on "Rationally Connected Conversations" (RCC) an adaptation of Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication" (NVC). In one session I included Jeff Brown, a Certified Trainer in NVC, to discuss "How to say 'That's BS' in RCC." I...
The ideal relationship is open, honest, and equal. If you find that someone has lied to you or evaded, it puts the whole relationship in question. But I've noticed that some people jump to the conclusion that another person is dishonest without establishing it...
A friend once told me about a man he knew who never interrupted. Call him the super listener. You could go to this super listener for business advice, and he would sit and listen to you as you talked and talked, never interrupting. Then when you were finished...
Mark Murphy has a great short article titled "Don't Make Constructive Criticism so Soft That People Miss Your Message." In it, he criticizes the feedback sandwich, which I learned long ago in Toastmasters. It's simple: when you are giving feedback, first tell...
Whenever you have a difficult conversation ahead, it pays to get a quick overview of the issues sooner rather than later. That first quick overview helps you gain perspective on the situation, and identify problem areas so you can avoid mishandling the...
There are some skills that people self-identify they need. And there are others that they don't. Many people who have a problem getting to the point don't realize it. But when you talk with them, you see their problem reflected in your own frustration. They say...
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