Often when you set goals, you wind up with a dry statement of something you think you should do. Goals should be juicy! They should be as appealing as a ripe peach. After all, they are your goals. They are to contribute to your life. Just as you choose food that is...
If you've been following my work, you know that I recommend you motivate yourself entirely by values, not by threats. This means throwing out "duty" as a way to get yourself to do an important but unappealing task. By a "duty," I mean an out-of-context rule or...
It's important to celebrate achievements. I'd like to take a moment to celebrate mine, my clients', and yours. First mine. I give talks, put out this newsletter, and run the Thinking Lab because I want to share the life-serving ideas that I have discovered. I have...
One of my friends has a beautiful flower garden behind her house. Every flower, plant, and object is there by design. The planning of a garden is a perfect analogy to setting your goals for the year. First, you don't make plans for a garden or set next year's goals...
Every New Year's Day, I run a “Thinking Day” in the Thinking Lab, to provide coaching for members who are setting goals for the new year. To make sure you set goals from a position of strength, I recommend you systematically review all the past year's accomplishments...
People often ask me how to make themselves do something they think they're supposed to do. As a public service, I will answer that question. To make yourself do something, you need to shut out any thoughts that conflict with taking the action. That includes any...
Two days ago, I got my email inbox down to zero, for the first time in at least 18 months. Several times in the last few months, I had gotten down to 40 lagging emails, but never to zero. The story of my getting to zero is a case study in how a change in attitude then...
Be present. Do what matters most. Stay in focus. These are three life-affirming intentions. Are they different? Do you need to think about holding all three intentions in one instant? If not, which intention should you hold? Will it conflict with another intention?...
What does it mean to be "present" or "in the moment"? This concept comes up often in acting and communication classes, but it was never explained to my satisfaction. I could tell it was something good: those who were "present" seemed more authentic. They created an...
I found an old article of mine arguing that you should pursue only one initiative at a time. It was a little embarrassing to read because I am still learning this lesson the hard way. My latest conclusion is that you need to distinguish initiatives from other...
People often ask me how to remember to do something in the future. The answer usually is, make a plan. Then remember to check the plan. But some kinds of actions cannot be planned. For example, I started a humor notebook at the recommendation of comedian Judy Carter....
Paradoxically, celebration and mourning* are similar processes. They involve similar steps and achieve similar purposes. And they are similarly misunderstood and neglected, despite their critical importance to a joyful life. Neither celebration nor mourning concerns...
Do you take 15 minutes to plan each and every day? I strongly recommend you do so. 15 minutes is enough time to let you review your calendar and consider your priorities. 15 minutes is enough time to get an overview so that you know what matters most today. 15 minutes...
Self-critical thoughts get a bad rap. You should neither reject self-critical thoughts nor treat them as revealed truths. Instead, treat them like crazy ideas from a brainstorming session. They, too, are products of your current knowledge, values, and skill. Used...
"Certainty denotes confidence that one can act on a conclusion without doubt, without needing further deliberation or investigation." (Harry Binswanger, How We Know) I learned firsthand of the need for certainty to act during Superstorm Sandy some years ago. I was...
"Empathy" is a widely misunderstood concept. Understanding it properly is the first step to transforming your relationships with other people and yourself. Empathy is not the same as sympathy. Sympathy is a feeling you have in relation to someone else. You feel...
People sometimes come to me, distressed that they resist using "thinking on paper" or some other tactic. They are sure it would help them, they know that they can take the steps, but whenever the time comes to use the tactic, they feel a wall of resistance. This...
I've had a love/hate relationship with planning, and I've finally figured out why. Although I love the clarity I get from planning, and I see that planning helps me in the long run, I had always been distressed when a project didn't go as planned. This is crazy. Most...
Do you find the term "anxiety" a bit puzzling? It's always been described to me as a non-specific fear. My fears are always specific, so I never knew quite how to differentiate fear from anxiety until I read an article about anxiety by Brooke Castillo that clarified...
As I write this, we are shifting to a new phase in coping with the coronavirus pandemic. We are not in total shutdown. Businesses are opening up cautiously. People are interacting more, albeit six feet apart. Just as shutting down posed internal challenges, so will...
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