"Emotional resilience" is the ability to bounce back from emotional upheaval. You may have a moment of despair, but you recover quickly. Your buttons may be pushed, but you are able to be curious about your reaction and refocus on values. The key to emotional...
To resolve conflict, you need to understand the root cause. It's biological. We have two completely independent motivational systems. One system, traditionally called “motivation by love,” exists to motivate action toward values. A value in the psychological sense is...
A goal is an intention you set to achieve a particular outcome. Here, in summary, is my approach to goals. Goals on different timescales need different standards of doability, different degrees of certainty, and different depths of passion. Long-range goals can be as...
When Thinking Lab members tell me their task is hard, I hear alarm bells in my mind. Invariably, I find they are making a difficult task harder than it has to be. A difficult task is one that requires a special mental effort to complete. It may require all your...
When we played 20 Questions as a family, the first question was always, “Animal, vegetable, or mineral?" If you are trying to identify an object, it falls into one of those categories. When you are mentally stopped, unable to concentrate, you should ask an analogous...
"Snap out of it" is pretty useless as a piece of advice. Typically, when you tell someone to "snap out of it," he is overreacting emotionally, or obsessing about something, or letting himself be distracted. Your advice won't be welcome if he disagrees with your...
In a recent article, I wrote: "Should" is a moral concept. When you say you "should" do something, you are saying it is the moral thing to do. If you, as I, ascribe to the moral code of rational egoism, "I should" means: Based on everything I know, including all of...
I didn't set out to teach time management, but I sure talk about it a lot in my programs. That's because each aspect of a time-management system takes firsthand thinking to make it work. Consider the first basic problem in time management: keeping track of what you...
To concentrate on a mentally demanding task, you typically need at least one full hour of free time when you can ignore everything and everyone else. At that time, you focus all of your energy on that one task. I teach many tactics for concentrating effectively during...
In a call on "How to Get Results Now on Your Long-Term Objective,” I was asked whether I thought "should" should be eschewed. I don't. I think "should" should be reclaimed. However, for many people, this will involve automatizing a new meaning for the word "should."...
Your greatest success comes from setting and achieving major goals. The biggest mistake that people make in pursuing such goals is that they don't build motivation into every step. The effort you put in needs to pay off in some way to ensure you persevere to the end....
Engineering your life is very much like engineering a suspension bridge. You start with a goal. To achieve the goal, you need to understand the fundamental forces you will work with, how to balance them to achieve your goal, and the nature of the materials used to...
Do you have trouble saying "no" to requests from others? Do you add new projects faster than you can complete them? Do you love to go above and beyond on your assignments? If so, you're like me. You tend to overcommit. The standard advice we are given is, “Just say...
In my previous blog, I made the case that sometimes the logical, moral, and practical option is to do B-minus (B-) work. This can feel excruciatingly difficult if you are tempted by perfectionism. I was reminded of this recently when I tried to write an article on...
In a recent coaching call, one of the participants in Launch 2021 shared that he was overscheduled. He had added in an "artist's date," three hours of drawing work, to an already busy schedule. He was enjoying the drawing time, but now it seemed that every minute of...
Often when you set goals, you wind up with a dry statement of something you think you should do. Goals should be juicy! They should be as appealing as a ripe peach. After all, they are your goals. They are to contribute to your life. Just as you choose food that is...
If you've been following my work, you know that I recommend you motivate yourself entirely by values, not by threats. This means throwing out "duty" as a way to get yourself to do an important but unappealing task. By a "duty," I mean an out-of-context rule or...
It's important to celebrate achievements. I'd like to take a moment to celebrate mine, my clients', and yours. First mine. I give talks, put out this newsletter, and run the Thinking Lab because I want to share the life-serving ideas that I have discovered. I have...
One of my friends has a beautiful flower garden behind her house. Every flower, plant, and object is there by design. The planning of a garden is a perfect analogy to setting your goals for the year. First, you don't make plans for a garden or set next year's goals...
Every New Year's Day, I run a “Thinking Day” in the Thinking Lab, to provide coaching for members who are setting goals for the new year. To make sure you set goals from a position of strength, I recommend you systematically review all the past year's accomplishments...
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